God is good and His love endures forever

Around Christmas time I am always reminded of how blessed we really are to have the family we have. Micah and I both have wonderful, loving, and fun families. In the light of all the tragedies we have faced in the past few months I am so thankful to have our faith and our families to cling to. This Christmas holiday seemed unsually hard for us, or maybe more so for me than Micah, but since it affected me, it also affected Micah, too. You see, in the past few months, Micah and I have lost two cousins, a grandpa, and an uncle. I cannot even express the pain of losing a loved one. One afternoon in August Micah's mom called us over to their house to tell us that Micah's grandpa had passed away from a heart attack while working in the fields. About three hours later my mom called to tell me that one of my cousins had taken her own life that same day.

After both deaths began to sink in, I became very discouraged. I was especially discouraged and almost angry at God for allowing my cousin to be so lost that she thought taking her own life and leaving two little girls behind would be better than what she was going through here on earth. My heart aches for her even now as I write this. How desperate she must have been and how many lies satan must have fed her to make her believe it would be better in a darker place. A few months later a more distant cousin also took his life. Another blow to the stomach.

Then, when I thought the craziness of this life was finally slowing down, about three weeks before Christmas I recieved a call that my uncle Steve had been in a freak accident. The accident was not a bad one, the truck simply slid off the road at a slow speed and barely rolled over. Apparently something tweeked just enough in my uncle's neck to paralyze him. Steve was immediately placed on a "cold bed", which basically brought his body temperature down to 70 degrees to reduce the swelling. He was in an induced coma, and was breathing on a respirator. When he came out of the coma three days later, they determined he was quadraplegic. Unfortunately, though, Steve was unable to breath on his own. He was able to communicate through body language with his wonderful wife, Pam. Pam and Steve had discussed at length even before the accident what Steve would want in such a situation. Steve made it clear to Pam and many other family members before and then after the accident that he did not want to live on a respirator for the rest of his life. On the fifth day of being in the hospital, Steve was taken off the respirator and died three hours later.

The funeral for my uncle Steve was unlike anything I have ever seen. I have been to many funerals in my lifetime, but this one would stand out in my mind forever. The funeral was a wonderful tribute to the life Steve lived. He was a wonderful man, a veterinarian, who always made time for his two adorable boys and his wife. The funeral was held in the Machine Shop in Evanston, Wyoming. The Machine Shop is a huge building that used to be just that: a machine shop...for trains. So when I say it was huge, it really was HUGE! The Machine Shop was full. I have never seen so many people at a funeral.

An interesting fact about my life is that my life has definitely been formed by losing people I love. Since I was twelve, I have lost so many dear friends and families. I have lost an 8 year old cousin to a brain injury, a grandpa at the age of 64 (natural causes), a friend at age 16 who died in an avalanche while snowmobiling, a P.E. teacher from cancer, a youth group leader from cancer, and now two cousins from suicide, another grandpa from a heart attack, and an uncle from an automobile accident. This is not including the more normal, usual deaths a person would experience in a life time, such as my great-grandma passing away from alzhiemers, and my great-aunt passing away from lung cancer, and many other relatives that have passed away from old age and natural causes.

I don't really know why I felt the need to post this, but I guess my heart is just aching to share what I have learned through these trials. In my mind I think that since I have experienced so many "freak accident losses", I should be able to cope with any other deaths tossed my way. But after pondering all that has happened I have realized that no matter who the person is, or how many deaths you have experienced, each one will affect you differently and you will respond in a way you would never imagine. Some deaths come with heart-wrenching sobs from the disbelief of losing a friend the same age as you, other deaths come with shock and the inability to mourn for the ones you loved because you cannot believe what really happened, and others still pierce a hole straight through your heart that takes weeks, maybe months or years for the pain to go away, and maybe even as much time before you finally break down from losing a loved one.

But no matter what type you have experienced, with these last four deaths we have endured, I know this for sure: That God is good, and He is faithful and just. I know that He allows hardships for our growth. I also know that He provides comfort to us so that we can show comfort to others who may experience the same trials and hardships. I know that no matter what happens, that the Lord's love will endure forever and that it is through Him that I have the strength to continue on through such a time as this. I know that through this I must trust that the Lord is working dramatically through my family. I pray He is even now drawing my family members to Him. I am so grateful for my faith in Jesus Christ as my savior. I am so thankful to know that when I die, I will be home with my loving savior and there will be no more pain, no more tears, and no more sorrows. I will be able to praise God forever and ever! What a glorious thought!

Please be praying for my family, especially my grandparents. It has been a definite struggle for them, losing a granddaughter and a son in one year. Pray that they find strength and unexplainable joy in Jesus Christ. Also be praying for my Uncle Steve's boys and wife. And even more so, be praying for my Aunt Dorle and Uncle Brian, and my cousin Chelsea's two young girls she left behind. Thank you for reading my thoughts and hearing me out! This has been on my heart for so long I didn't know if I could hold it in any longer! I am so thankful the friends and family that surround me!