3 under 3.5

WOW!  Two years (Update: 4 YEARS!!!!  I wrote this two years ago, and I decided to publish it as I've decided to try to take up blogging again!  Hope you enjoy this!  It was fun for me to look back to two years ago!).  I am horrible at blogging, isn't it evident?  I want to try to keep up with this blogging stuff so I remember things about our boys' lives.  They're growing up so fast!  I wish time would just slow down!  So if you're following me, reading my blog, I'm sorry, it might be a bit boring!  All kid stuff, and a little mom stuff, and a little God stuff.  And maybe a few pictures here in there.  But this is more like a journal for me.

So, from two years ago, we have had yet another baby boy, Timothy Glenn, born April 1st, 2014.  So I now have 3 wild and crazy boys 3.5 years and under!  Whoa.  That's right, whoa.  It's, well, crazy.  I love my boys.  They are wild, funny, energetic, cute, crazy, and, well, boys.  Everything you've heard about boys is true.  They are rough and tumbly.  They are wild and crazy.  They love dirt.  They love food (well, junk food that is).  They love bikes.  They love balls.  They love outdoors.  They are crazy!!

Timothy is 5 months old yesterday.  I'm finally feeling somewhat back to normal after having him and getting through the newborn phase.  He is such a sweet baby!  He was not colicky, as Trevor was.  Some issues that I got worked out from nursing made the difference for Tim.  Poor Trevor...if I had only known.  But Timothy is sweet and smiley and so pleasant to be around!  I feel so blessed as I had prayed and prayed for a happy baby.  When I found out I was pregnant with Timothy, I almost cried.  Trevor was about 15 months old, and his outgoing personality was developing into an obvious strong-willed child!  He moved from colicky to crazy.  He is our challenging one, to put it lightly.  At about 15 months he was putting his poor mama to the test!  And then I found out I was pregnant.  At the doctor's office.  Because I had myself convinced that I was just sick.  Nope.  Pregnant.  With my 3rd.  3 under 3.5.  Yikes.  Let's hope its a girl!  Nope.  Another boy!

Oh how I love boys!  They are so fun and I wouldn't have it any other way, but our life is utter chaos.  I've given into the fact that we can't have anything nice.  I've given into the fact that I will never have a clean home.  I've given into the fact that I might not have a little girl.  I've given into the fact that I will be a sports mom.  I've given into the fact that it will be dirt bikes and not horses.  Sports and not shopping.  Suits and not dresses.  Dirt and not makeup.  Trucks and not Barbies.  Yep, I've given up on a lot.

But in the last few weeks I've decided a few different things.  I've been praying a lot.  I've been studying the Word, a lot.  You see, since I found out I was pregnant, I've been struggling.  I'm not sure it is actually depression that I've been struggling with, but something.  Pregnancy fog, pregnancy brain, hormones, exhaustion, isolation.  All of the above?  I don't know.  But I've been praying.  I needed something more.  Being home alone with 3 little boys is hard.  Much harder than I planned. Because I thought being a mother was easy.  I thought it was all smiles, kisses, and hugs.  All fun, sweet, and pleasant.  In fact, with Troy, my 1st, I thought it was easy.  I thought I was the best mom.  I thought I knew better than all the other moms who had 3 or 4.  I would never let my child do that, eat that, say that.  I was the best mom! But oh how God chooses to humble us!  And rightfully so.  Because God gave us Trevor.  Oh sweet and challenging Trevor.  Have you ever heard the nursery rhyme:  "There once was a girl, and when she was sweet, she was VERY sweet, but when she was bad, she was VERY bad"?  Yep, that's Trevor.  He has the most fun-loving, teasing personality, but when he is cranky, there is no going back.

And I learned my lesson.  And for all you moms of 3 or 4, I apologize.  Please forgive me.  Life as a mom is hard.  Cleaning up messes, taking care of sick little ones, unending housework, disciplining, feeding, nursing, bathing.  It is hard work.  Challenging.  Mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally draining.  And now I know that I don't know it all.  Now I know that I need God.  Not just His strength to get me through on the days I need endurance.  But also His tender-loving grace on the days I feel so angry and frustrated with my precious boys.

And so as I've been praying the last few weeks, God has been teaching me through His Word, through other blogs, through sermons at church, through Sunday school, that this life is not about me.  I am His servant.  I need to be serving Him and thinking less about me.  I need to be more intentional about being a mom and teaching my children about Him, and quit worrying about me.  Yes, I'm tired, I don't get to sit through a whole meal, I spend 8 of my 24 hours nursing a baby, I only sit when i'm nursing the baby and on the rare occasion all three are taking a nap (Like right now!! Praise the Lord!), I spend most of my waking hours cleaning, and so on goes my complaints of being a mom.  It's hard.  But it is the most important thing.  It is what God has called me to do.  And since He has called me, He will give me what I need to get through this lonely time in my life.  And I will try to continue to be a mother of joy and patience, and a servant of our living God!